Raising a Child with a Disability: The Impact on Fathers
From the September 2001 Early Childhood newsletter.


Robert Naseef's life took an unexpected turn nearly 20 years ago when his son Tariq was diagnosed with autism. Dr. Naseef, a Philadelphia-area psychologist, had to come to terms with his son's disability and his changing expectations for his oldest child. He notes now that fathers tend to react differently than mothers to their child's disability, often withdrawing and being less vocal about their emotions. "It may seem as if the father is uninvolved, but [his reaction] is often more internal [than the mother's]."

Dr. Naseef is the author of Special Children, Challenged Parents, a book for parents of children with disabilities on coping, marital strain, and raising siblings. He advises the fathers he counsels to express their feelings about having a child with a disability. He notes that, sometimes, having a child with a disability can cause fathers to have an identity crisis of sorts. "The powerlessness to protect the family from the disability can be overwhelming" and cause fathers to feel they are not fulfilling their roles as family provider and protector.

It is this need to fulfill a provider role that may cause fathers to feel compelled to work longer hours and earn more money to meet the financial obligations of a child's special needs. Dr. Naseef notes that while it is normal for fathers to want to fulfill their roles as family providers, they shouldn't forget about the emotional aspect of adjusting to having a child with a disability and the need to spend time with their families.

"It's great to be able to express yourself," emphasizes Dr. Naseef. "Many men learn how to embrace their tender side. This helps you become a better father."

For the families he counsels, Dr. Naseef underscores the need for fathers to be involved with their child's education planning and intervention services. "I urge fathers to be involved in the whole process — the education, services, and therapies — because it will help you get to know your child better, and you are needed more than you can imagine."

Try to connect with other fathers, advises Dr. Naseef, by joining a support group or searching the Internet. Dr. Naseef recommends starting at The Father's Network, which features personal stories written by fathers of children with special needs. "Reading stories helps you connect to the fraternity of fathers that you are a part of."

And his most important advice to fathers? "Spend time with their children and see what they can and can't do. Appreciate what they can do. One-to-one time allows you to get to know your children and help their development at the same time."

For more information, check out Special Children, Challenged Parents: The Struggles and Rewards of Raising a Child with a Disability, Revised Edition.