Excerpted from Chapter 3 of Sexuality: Your Sons and Daughters with Intellectual Disabilities, by Karin Melberg Schwier & Dave Hingsburger, M.Ed.

Copyright © 2000 by Paul H. Brookes Publishing Co. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

It's been more than 20 years since the World Health Organization called for an understanding of human sexuality within the context of human relationships. People with disabilities often learn how their bodies function sexually much later in life than do their peers without disabilities if, indeed, they are ever taught at all. Some people hold mistaken beliefs about their bodies, and ignorance leads to misinformation and opportunities for sexual abuse (Ludwig & Hingsburger, 1993). People who have accurate information about sexuality are much less likely to be victimized than those who do not (Senn, 1988).

Keeping in mind the fact that every child is different, you may find the following list useful when you're deciding what to teach your child at different ages. Remember to use the list as a general guideline, not as hard and fast rule that means disaster if the time doesn't seem to be right for your child:

The Early Years 3-9

• Differences between boys and girls
• Public and private places, parts of [the] body
• How babies are born

Puberty 9-15

• Menstruation
• Wet dreams
• Other body changes
• Ways to recognize and say no to inappropriate sexual touching by others
• How babies are made
• Sexual feelings
• Masturbation

Older Teens 16 and Up

• How relationships grow
• How sexual feelings happen and how they can be handled
• Homosexuality
• Difference between love and sex
• Laws and consequences of inappropriate sexual touching of others
• How pregnancy can be prevented — methods of birth control
• Sexually transmitted diseases
• Responsibilities of marriage, parenting (Maksym, 1990a, p. 107)

You can see that teaching someone with an intellectual disability about sexuality goes beyond merely getting her to correctly recite names for body parts or to know how a baby is made. We believe it is important to integrate the physical, emotional, and social aspects of sexuality into what people are taught. People also need to understand attitudes and values and learn practical skills in order to respond in different situations. For example, when learning about her breasts, a young girl needs to know that:

• Breasts have a functional and aesthetic purpose (physical aspect)
• Breasts are private body parts (social aspect)
• Since not everyone is comfortable discussing these things, it's important to find someone who is willing to answer questions and concerns (social aspect)
• [There are ways] to refuse unwanted advances if someone tries to touch her breasts (skill)
• That if someone tries to touch her breasts, she may feel bad about this (emotional aspect) (Ludwig & Hingsburger, 1993, pp. 5-6)

This guidebook is designed in a way that will help you, as parents, identify and practice what is important for your family. It can be overwhelming when you try to look at the big picture; from that vantage point, there are always things that you may have overlooked, didn't understand, or didn't even want to think about!